Geezers pay for youth

"Remember not the sins of my youth…" — Psalm 25:7, KJV

We plead with God not to remember the stupid things we did when we were young. While He may not remember, our elderly bodies remember every indiscretion and every stupid thing we did. In some cases, these are the stupid things we continue to do.

Of the many stupid things in my "Idiot's Resume," competing with the big boys is one of the key points. Since I’m vertically challenged, with the sports skills of a drunken sailor, I felt I had to become stronger than the strong men. I strived to excel, and ended up lifting over twice my tiny little body weight.

Now that I’m old and fat, my back, knees, neck, and hands hurt really badly. The pain is beyond regular old pain, it's the severest pain, which professionals refer to as "Man Pain." It's the worst, and it's a direct result of bad decisions in my youth. And, my wife swears pie is a factor. Pie supposedly causes muscle and joint pain, due to all of the extra weight it introduces. But, the pie connection is not logical or welcome.

Fast forward to this week. The tree murderers felled a tree, and also killed the fence that keeps our little dog in. We have to keep the dog contained because if it gets out and runs around it may get eaten by a coyote, which will endanger the wildlife. The helpless wild creatures could choke on his collar or the bad attitude. Long story short, I had to replace the fence.

When I bought the new wire fencing at Rural King, I should have learned my limits. I barely got it into the van, but I chalked that up to being stiff and full of pie. Surely, when warmed up, it would go well.

The next day I got an early start, right after my noon nap. I wrestled the roll of wire to the staging area. Using my trusty rusty pliers, I got the old fencing removed and it hurt pretty bad. Before I got the old wire off the last post, it felt like the devil was hammering a red-hot nail into my hand. I instantly remembered that in my youth, I was supposed to get surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome. I never got around to it, so I guess that was a sin of youth.

I shook off the pain, just like I learned in my youth. I started replacing the wire. The roll fell over, and my back went out when I bent over to pick it up. It went out like when I was in my 20s and I tried to dead lift a Buick. That was the time I swore to always wear a back-belt. I think I have it somewhere.

There's a technique in fencing which requires attaching the wire to posts. I did famously well by crawling along and securing the fence to the postal things. At least, for a while. My hands started self-destructing again, so I hit every three posts or so. It will have to do.

Because I am a man, I endured the pain so that my wife's annoying dog doesn't hurt helpless coyotes. I finished the job, and fell into my recliner.

Three days later, I still hurt. I bemoan the sins of my youth, and wish I never compared myself to the big guys. I wish I’d had the surgery on my hands because, today, I can't hold a pie fork. I wish I hadn't lifted too much, because I will eventually have to go to the little grandpa's room.

Today, I promise to not repeat the sins of my youth, or the sin of pandering to a little annoying dog. However, my grandson is fair game. He can do the heavy lifting and not feel it for 40 years, or so.

Fini.

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